i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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