By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your dad touched me again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
