you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
