I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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