I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
