My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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