If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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