i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
