Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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