Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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