i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
