Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
