i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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