Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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