I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
