He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
