I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
