If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize