I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
