That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
