Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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