I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
