i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
