Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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