Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
