also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
