I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
