Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
