Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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