White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
