Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
