I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just want nice things and good sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
