Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
