i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
