the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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