is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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