but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
