Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
And then he peed in my hair
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