Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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