after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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