I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
