fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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