There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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