Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
