Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
