You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
