I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
