I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
