dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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