Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
