you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
