NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish you could order shots online.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
